So much of my journey through food addiction and back to my true self has involved four letter words.  At first, they described my dilemma:

Hard
Diet
Food

Then, as I faced myself, they grew profane:

Damn
Shit
Junk (food)
F*ck
Piss
Bolt
F*ck

I got down on myself:

Lazy
Want
Blah
Fail
Icky
Fail
Fail

And, at one point, I noticed they began to turn:

Open
Like
Hmmm
Well
Move
Jump
Okay
Mojo
Walk
Walk
Open
Walk

Underneath the layers of fat, I began to discover my true feminine side, after years of striving, struggling and fighting with the tiny percentage of male energy I possessed in a world bent on competition, I realized there was another path to health, to releasing weight, to living more fully.

And I realized there was only one word for what I needed, wanted and craved:

Love

Last week, I traveled to Iowa to grab the opportunity to see a woman named “Amma” (or sometimes known as “Ammachi”), a spiritual leader in our world who stands apart in her ability to love.

Most spiritual leaders in any religion are men.  They use their directive male energy very well – telling us what to do!  Preaching.  Scolding.  Directing.  Shaming.  Controlling.

Some charge what I think are outrageous amounts of money to attend their events, or have the “privilege” of having lunch at one of their banquets.

But Amma, which means “mother” in many languages, displayed her true self by communing with spirit at an early age.  Her mother remembers her singing with abandon and joy at the age of six, for hours, in deep communication with god.

Her male spiritual leaders taught her that you cannot help many people because they had “karma”, which explained why they suffer.  Though young, Amma decided karma was no excuse not to ease the suffering of those right before you.

So, she began to ease suffering the only way she knew:  with an embrace.  Her mother’s hugs were powerful.  She spread love the only way she knew, and in an ultimately feminine way.  That’s what a mother does, right?  A female energy can hold, envelop, ease, enfold, receive…

To date, she has hugged over 32 million people.

She sees those who show up to her events and gives them hugs, blessings and little gifts of chocolate, fruit and flower petals without charge – sometimes hugging long lines of people for 10 or 12 hours a day.  Purely through donations and the sale of her CDs and books, she has built thousands of houses for homeless people, founded a university that educates children, and donated millions of dollars to survivors of tsunamis, floods, hurricanes, and other natural disasters.

You read those words correctly:  thousands of homes and millions of dollars.  Feminine energy is no less powerful than male; they are simply different in their approach.  (Amma)

Everything she does is so elemental, and fundamental.  She pulls you into an embrace and chants, holding you for an extended length of time.  She is soft and smells of roses.  Her energetic vibration is huge.

My response, besides a huge download of energy, was:  there should be an Amma on every street corner.  Or in every family.  Shouldn’t we all be Ammas to each other?

“My only religion is love,” she is fond of saying.

And wasn’t that the intent of all religions in their infancies?

But, you see, a female energy, despite holding many many points of fact, interest and detail, is elemental.  She simply has never strayed from love, the way Mother Theresa never did.

I think that’s what appealed so much to me.

As I have let go of addiction, I have let go of living like other people said I should:  stressed, harassed, burdened, cursed, addicted, broken, too busy to care for myself, so “important” that I have no time in my busy schedule for self-care.

As I have healed myself, I have let go of judgment, both in what others think of me and how I harshly condemned myself.

As I see my life and direction in life becoming simpler and simpler, I like the “love approach” more and more.

Because I understand it.

Because I know it.

Because I can trust it.

Because it’s always there.

Because it feeds in a way food cannot.

Love.