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One of my friends, who happens to have a great deal of spiritual mastery, was talking with me recently. As we discussed the amount of incredible busyness, stress and pressure in today’s culture, he said this phrase to me: say NO better
Say. No. Better. It struck a chord immediately. Boundaries are a constant topic in coaching as my clients seek to establish safe structure in their relationships, at work and at home with their children and partners. I’m not exempt from pressure, being a female business owner with a son in college. My friend was encouraging me to say NO more often, and with more effect. Continue reading » |
You are actively pursuing weight loss. You feel great about your efforts, which have led to noticeable results. But, on the way to meet a friend for lunch, you begin to get a niggling feeling in your belly. Something’s bothering you, but you don’t know what. As soon as your friend settles in the car, the first words out of her mouth remind you why you were apprehensive.
“Please don’t tell me you want to go somewhere boring and diet-y again. Olive Vine has all-you-can-eat pasta bowl at lunch!”
How do you react?
This is a common situation for people making change. It can cause your mind to go into overdrive.
You might:
1. begin to make excuses for her
2. remind yourself she’s your best friend
3. pretend you didn’t notice the negativity and judgment dripping in her voice
4. go along to “Olive Vine” and valiently fight to order something that doesn’t lead directly to a nap
Continue reading »
Part of my real-world research as I lost over 90 lbs involved following naturally thin people around. Asking questions. Posing challenges. Discerning habits. My merciless stalking, if you will, produced a wealth of information I had never learned in my food addicted upbringing.
Naturally thin people are not thin because they are smarter, stronger or have more willpower than other people. They are thin because they have developed habits that serve THIN, instead of making FAT. Here are the top six:
1. Never Eat Unless Hungry – Naturally thin people know hunger cues, and see them as signals for action. Without the green light, they don’t eat.
2. Stop Before Full – Naturally thin people never feel stuffed or uncomfortable. They feel a satiation cue which stops them right before they are completely full. Their connection to their bodies is strong, and they honor the feedback they get from their physical body.
3. Waste Food, Not Waist It – People who never struggle with their weight don’t worry about throwing food out when they are full, whether that means a to-go box, or the trash can. They know that refusing to “waste food” means “waisting” it, which is just like carrying your garbage around on your body for everyone to see.
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We often have a picture in our heads of what successful weight loss looks like.
It might go like this:
New Diet + Short Period of Time = Skinny Me
We convince ourselves this is how it works and, when it doesn’t work, we blame ourselves. Or the diet. But usually ourselves – as if any diet EVER worked!
With a 99% fail rate and a 108% regain rate, diets are so not the way to go.
Once we realize this, some really big opportunities open up! As one of my clients recently said, “There really are 50 ways to leave your lover!”
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Have you heard this quote?
“The chief cause of failure is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment.”
The road to weight loss is littered with bad trades!
We vow to attend a barbecue and avoid drinking alcohol, since that often sets off compulsive eating. But, in the moment, perhaps under peer pressure from the host or hostess, we throw the vow away and plunge headfirst into a margarita.
Alcohol can lead to relaxed boundaries around food.
We promise to eat in a healthy manner but, when the first meeting of the work day shows up decorated in doughnuts, we’re on a sugar high before the boss can say “Good morning!”
Continue reading »
It’s the start of another year. That means lots of new faces at the gym!
Why this is good: It’s boring to see the same people all the time. It’s great to have new energy infusing the place.
Well, maybe.
Why this is bad: Sometimes, those new faces behave badly!
Case in point: I was working out on New Year’s when I approached a pull-down cable machine. Yes, you can do numerous exercises on this piece of equipment. But not if other people are waiting!
Dude #1, using the equipment, must have noticed the seven exercises pictured on the front of the machine and decided to do them all, one after the other.
RULE #1 – No one has exclusive rights to any piece of equipment. Think “COOPERATION”!
So, after a couple of sets, it was obvious I was standing nearby, in the middle of the room because I was WAITING! He glanced at me and ignored me.
So, as he puffed through a set of (very poor form) overhead tricep extensions, I said: “Excuse me, I’m waiting to use that too. Is it OK if I work in?”
Continue reading »
Successful weight management requires a lifestyle change that includes healthy eating patterns and lots of activity. Making far-reaching changes may be even more challenging if you are involved in relationships that promote or support an unhealthy approach to eating and exercise.
For example, does your best friend agree to go to the gym with you but, once there, grumble and complain the entire time? After an hour with a whiner, who wouldn’t avoid the activity again?
Does your mother tell you that you need to lose weight but constantly push fattening food at you when you visit?
Common saboteurs to a healthy lifestyle are the relationships around you. After all, change can be frightening or threatening within a relationship.
Take the spouse or partner who becomes nervous or argumentative when you being to lose weight. This partner may have his/her own weight problems or simply feel more comfortable when you are lacking self-esteem. When one partner begins to actively work on lifestyle issues and loses a few pounds, the saboteur may accept an invitation to a lavish party, or bring home chocolates, or simply insist on restaurants that lack healthy food choices.
Continue reading »
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