It’s almost Valentine’s Day and look at what’s on my desk!
These are beautiful truffles from a party I gave right before Christmas. I used them as decorations at each place setting at the table.
So why are they sitting on my desk? Well, they are there because they were left over.
Now, there was a day when a leftover chocolate of any kind had NO SHELF LIFE within a 50-yard radius of Pat Barone!
With complete embarrassment, I admit I was that guest at the wedding who collected leftover “guest favors” (if they were chocolate!) other guests didn’t want. I could not understand any living human being saying “I can’t possibly eat these treats after that wedding cake!” I’d go home with lots of extra little boxes stuffed in my purse. They’d never last until the next day. Actually, they rarely made it all the way home.
But today, truffles can sit right in front of me all day long, every day, for weeks and weeks.
What’s the difference?
Well, times have changed! I have changed, as anyone who regularly reads this blog knows.
But, as I look at these brightly wrapped goodies, I feel no need to eat them. I feel no impulse to guiltily and hurriedly gobble them down. I feel no compulsion.
I’ve spent a lot of energy growing my life really big and my body smaller. Leaving excess weight behind, I’ve worked hard to change my beliefs in life. Whereas I once believed food was scarce (“Eat it now! You might not get it again.”), self regard scarcer (“Do I deserve it?”), and love was scarcest of all (substitute love=food), I now believe in abundance and plenty. I believe in enough.
I know if I choose to eat a delicious piece of candy, I’ll have no problem finding one in the world.
I know candy doesn’t taste better on particular days, like Valentine’s Day, and that it’s no replacement for real love.
I know chocolate is delicious when fully embraced, without guilt or regret. I can access that any time I want.
These Christmas goodies are showing me I have traveled from compulsion to choice.
I’m not going to lie to you and say the journey happened overnight, or it was always easy. But the peace I feel is well worth the trip.
3 Responses to Traveling from Compulsion to Choice
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Thanks for sharing. A big lesson I had to learn as well. “CHOICE”
I am that wedding guest now!! More embarrasssment right? I want what you have. I never thought of that idea of peace because it seems so faaaaarrrrr away. How do I start the idea of choice.
Sue – you might start by recognizing that everything is a choice. Notice when you choose this food over that food without labeling one “good” or the other “bad.” What does it feel like to choose? Powerful? Guilty? Complicated?
I’ll share what one of my clients told me (I share this only with her permission, as all coaching is confidential). A big step for her was to notice when a choice felt powerful, good or even OK in the moment, but later brought guilt or affected her emotionally. In other words, she would often feel physically bad later, even though her choice at the time she ate something, felt good! Physical loss of energy, tired, sleepy are feedback from the body. That let her know the choice has not been in her best interest. The same went if she felt guilty, regretful or sad about her choice later. However, when the choice felt good while she was making it, AND felt good later, that was the indicator that she had made a helpful choice.
I hope this helps! Pat