The first of the year always brings energy to weight loss. The gyms get busier. Stores stock diet products and push them in our face. Advertising proliferates.
Now comes the news that Jenny Craig has a new spokeswoman, Carrie Fisher.
This news really hit me hard. It made me very sad.
I wasn’t sad because we’ve got yet another famous face attempting to glamourize temporary weight loss. I wasn’t sad because we are once again NOT TALKING about sustainable change. I wasn’t even sad because we have to watch another public “slim down” and rebound.
The fact that our society spends untold amounts of energy circling the real reasons for our addictive behavior and instead plays bullshit games with destructive dieting is always sad to me.
I was really affected by this because I think Carrie Fisher is a remarkably talented woman.
She’s a gifted comedienne and actress. She’s a wonderful writer who’s known as one of Hollywood’s best script doctors (uncredited writers who “pump up” scripts, adding funny parts, etc. – you rarely hear about them).
She’s also an addict. This is doubly sad to me. First, addiction is a difficult place to live your life. Second, some of our most talented artists and creators, when struggling with addiction, never get their talents fulfilled and we, the public, never get the opportunity to be moved and changed by their creativity.
Carrie Fisher has fought alcoholism and drug addiction. She’s been open about battling mental illness. She’s also talked about the fact that weight gain is a common side effect to many of the medications she’s been taking for her illness.
Does she really need this public viewing of her struggle? Remember Kirstie Alley? She also had multiple addictions going on. It was painful to see her ridiculed and exploited (yes, she was paid but is there enough money in the world to do this to yourself?).
Make no mistake about it. Carrie’s weight gain isn’t about weight. It’s about addiction. Addiction is heartbreaking.
In our society, it’s so tempting to stop drinking and start eating. Stop gambling and start drinking. Have a weight loss surgery so you can’t eat and but “wake up” three years later and realize you’ve become a drug addict. Treat the surface and never get to the root of the problem.
One of my many stops on the “fix Pat” trip was Overeaters Anonymous. But, as I got to know the members of my OA group, I realized they were all former alcoholics.
That really hit me.
I saw them trading addictions. Moving from alcohol to food. And, as they ditched food by treating it as the problem, without facing the deeper reasons for their addiction, I saw them move on to drugs or gambling or sex.
Finding and facing the root of the addiction is not necessarily easy. But it’s the point.
The book I’m writing starts with that fateful day when I did turn the questions away from food (“Why can’t I just eat normally?”) to me:
What’s really under all this crap in my mind?
What do I believe is true about me?
Am I damaged? If so, can I be fixed?
Am I depressed because I’m fat or am I fat because I’m depressed? This hit me – I knew it was true. Doctors had been giving me antidepressants for years but it did nothing to help me with my weight; in fact I gained more.
No, I was fat because I was depressed and nothing was going to change in my life until I dealt with “depressed” and discovered the roots of my depression. That’s where my quest to lose weight permanently began.
I wish I could talk with Carrie. I would like to see her, and everyone, free from the deeper needs for addictive behavior.
Because talents are being wasted, talents we could use in the world.
16 Responses to Rotating Addictions/Carrie Fisher
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Pat,
Once again you hit the nail on the head with a resounding thump. Ms. Fisher’s willingness to be publically humiliated in and of itself deserves scrutiny.
I believe it’s part of the addictive disease – the belief that if I publicly humiliate myself, I’ll make change. If that worked, there’d be no addiction around!
This is a very powerful post! I remember when I lost weight the first time, I traded food for shopping. When I inevitably regained the weight, I finally started down a new road…asking myself, what is it that I am really hungry for? And as I explored that, and figured it out and started giving it to myself, the addictive behaviors started to fall away. It’s funny because I never let any of my addictions ever get too far out of hand, but they definitely impacted me. There was drugs at one point when I was in my early 20s, and there was definitely alcohol, shopping and food. The work I’ve done in the past two years has been incredibly healing…and it’s all centered on self-acceptance.
It makes more sense when you look back, doesn’t it Karen? I can’t tell you how many of my friends in the past clients stopped eating only to realize their credit card balances had become enormous. So, they got a second job, or became super stressed, which sent them back to eating. Like a yo-yo, we can do this for years (I did) before we realize it’s all the same impulse at work!
I work drink and food together. Have you seen this pat? I overeat feel bad swear I wont do it again and find myself drinking more the next day coz i remember yesterday. Once I drink, I start eating.
I try to hide this from my family. I don’t want to do any program because I see they all lead to gained it back. You are right about that.
If I look as you said to do past it I would have to admit to you that it is about wanting. I want things in my life and I am really ashamed I want them so much like I do. a nice place to live. A partner. A job where your proud to say what yu do. Its easier to eat or drink than be wanting.
Hav eyou known people to get over wanting?
I think you’re talking about lack of fulfillment. We want or need certain things in order to feel complete, full, alive… and focus on food instead. Can you separate out the shame? Wanting a fulfilling life is nothing to be ashamed of… it’s your human spirit speaking. Sometimes it’s scary to admit what we really want but, so far, it’s never caused a natural disaster. It does take you a step towards self acceptance and really caring for yourself. It’s hard to feel love with that layer of shame in the way.
Pat
Pat, I for one admire Carrie FIsher greatly for the way she perseveres through the addiction, cross addiction and illnesses that plague her. Jenny Craig is a tool, not a solution, and Carrie FIsher of all people likely knows this. That she has a relatively long period of sobriety behind her speaks to an understanding of self and behavior that we can only glimpse at. Who knows why she choose to be a spokesperson?
I don’t know whether you were a compulsive overeater or not – I can’t speak to someone else’s addiction(s) – nor do I think that you should. Nor do I think you can subscribe motivations (wish for public humiliation to someone).
Moreover, it sounds to me like you just dissed Overeater’s Anonymous?! I am sorry for Carrie Fisher’s struggles, and in fact cross addiction is pretty common. But OA is NOT about the food, and in fact they are very clear about that. OA’s 12 steps help you focus on you, your behaviors and it works – if you work it, as they say. I would say your OA experience is yours – it sounds diametrically opposite to mine.
I was an OA member for two years, and in those years I had a lot of what I would call ‘freedom from food’ — but I moved to a city where the OA meetings were much less positive than those in my old town of Boston and I moved on from them. So you could say I stopped working it and it stopped working. And admittedly I do not define myself as a compulsive overeater anymore. I saw MIRACLES in OA for people with anorexia, bulimia and overeating – I saw long lasting weight loss, spiritual change, and incredible freedom from the fellow members. People who work the program and use the tools from OA get to recovery. The questions you are asking are exactly some of the questions OA sponsors have their sponsees work through. Addictions are not cured, they are managed, that’s the point. And there are people who get sobriety/abstinence right away, then there are those (I would count myself) who take a long time…but they keep trying.
I’m alright with you making a point about Jenny Craig and people in the limelight, but I’m not OK with you taking a swipe at OA or any “anonymous” program that do so much good, for so many. Those programs specifically do not seek promotion, yet they have saved the lives of so many people I know.
Sounds like we have an apples and oranges discussion going here.
Apples
Addiction paradigm = once addicted, always addicted, the best you can do is manage the problem, whether it is food, alcohol etc. It’s my opinion and my personal experience that the “user” just substitutes the program for the substance and becomes addicted to “working the program.” Also known as positive substitution. In life threatening situations, of course it is better to be addicted to almost anything except alcohol (as Bill W was). This does work for many and is the beginning of the path for others but it did not work for me. I could see myself moving from one substance to another and did not want to do that. It’s important to know this made sense in 1908, but less so now as our medical and psychological and spiritual knowledge has grown so much.
Oranges
Going beyond addiction paradigm. Get to the root of the need and move beyond it. This is where many cutting edge addiction programs are headed. I think we needed the recovery paradigm to get in touch with the addiction subject but we’ve learned so much since 1922 and realize there are many paths out.
I speak of my OA experiences, which involved about 2.5 years and several cities. They are my experiences. Some groups are totally focused on food, and define abstinence as no sugar/no white flour. They are adamant about the chemical nature of processed flour and sugar. It works for some but is too restrictive for many, and many people have eating disorders or compulsive eating that is not related to flour/sugar.
I think it’s ok for me to want a talented person like Carrie Fisher to move beyond addiction. Indeed, I want it for everyone.
Pat
I didthe transfer-my-crap-around thing for years. I tried everything, including OA several times. I found it very depressing and a focus on controlling food and life that was just as obsessive as I’d been about overeating. It just didn’t work for me. I hadn’t heard this idea of shifting focus and going away from addiction but I think it’s what I’ve done in my life, and am still doing. I like Karen’s theme of self-acceptance. Mine would be different, more like being good enough. Made big strides there over the past 10 years. Food is a bs way to live and I’m not going to pretend anymore. Please keep writing abouthis.
EllaP
Food is a bs way to live! I love that! I feel a blog post coming under that title (with your kind permission, of course.) Email me!
Find “good enough” my dear. It will be powerful for you.
Pat
I’ve tried numerous methods to lose weight, including OA. Reading the interactions above amazes me. I do feel that I am addicted to food. During one three year period when my eating patterns were incredibly rigid and I dropped “beneath” a healthy weight, I shopped excessively, feeling a desperation to fill an unnamed void.
I’ve regained a substantial amount of weight and as I am just beginning to try to face “why,” feelings/emotions arise that I want to run from. It’s time to admit that the only way I am going to be able to put food into a proper perspective is to face it. Food IS a bs way to live.
Good you for admitting you want to run. You are definitely on the right track if those feelings are arising. I know you have the courage not to run though… just imagine the freedom when you stick by yourself and face what’s there!
Warmly,
Pat
It was hard – impossible actually – for me to admit that I didn’t love myself at the beginning of this journey. Most people would have described me as confident, out-going, etc. I had a smile on my face and found things to enjoy in my life, but I was not living the life I wanted to live. And when I looked in the mirror I saw a stranger, and I hated her. I hated her for looking the way she did, and for giving up on herself in her 20’s..
Now, a year and a half and over 130 pounds later, I am still coming into my own. I’m working so hard to forgive myself for the mistakes I made when I was busier pretending to be who I wanted to be than embracing the person I could become if I only tried.
I know that I am lovable now, and I know that I’m worth the effort it takes to change now. I am no longer defined (in my own mind) by my weight…and when I look in the mirror I am starting to see someone who is more than adequate..someone who has a reason to smile..and someone who makes changes even when they’re not easy.
I’m not suggesting that I’m “fixed” yet, but I’ve been forced to face the truth of who I am over the last several months. But with that, I’ve also learned that I can redefine who I am. I can be the person I want to be instead of the person I allowed myself to become, and I’m doing it.
Is Carrie Fisher doing it? Maybe not yet…I don’t really know, but I do hope that she succeeds in losing weight and finding the person inside that she’s proud to be.
I hear what you are saying about not knowing or loving yourself – I find we base so much of our “lovability” on the shape and size of our bodies, when that’s simply not a choice. No one gets to pick a body shape before they are born.
Believe me, I would have been a Bond girl or something if the universe had asked me for a suggestion!
Getting past addiction to any substance and getting to know the real, remarkable “True Self” is an amazing journey and gift, even if there is a “self-loathing” stop on most journeys.
In my experience, there’s always a real, vital, aliveness to truly knowing and accepting and embracing who we are.
Now that I’ve traveled this path for over 30 years, I would not have chosen a different one.
I’m so proud of your choices and how you are traveling today!
Love, Pat
This is my first visit to your blog and I am SO GLAD I stopped by. I SO agree with you on the addiction part of it. How many times I have heard OH its easy to give up alcohol or drugs or…etc but food..well you have to eat…
It is the behaviors underlying ALL of this that makes us want to turn to something else to make us feel better. Yes, there are dual addictions, etc… but most of those deal with giving up the thing we are addicted to…
I attended Alanon for years…THAT is more about dealing with the behaviors and that was what I needed to then slowly start coming back into my body… This is a lifetime journey and I learn something about myself each and every day.
I agree with your discovery about behaviors. I often teach my clients the difference between substance and behavior. If we try to control food, food ends up controlling us. If we look for the “why” beneath the behaviors, and unlock that “why”, behaviors change remarkably.
What most of us want, I think, isn’t “thin”, we want the freedom we think it’ll give us – freedom from concern, worry and fixation on food. Freedom from concern about how we look and what we can wear. Freedom from judgment from others (but we judge ourselves plenty without them!).
An overweight person doesn’t get to “thin” on a diet with any freedom intact. They’re usually scraping there, struggling and obsessing.
I say go directly for the freedom – and that’s in the behavior realm.
Thank you so much for joining the conversation!
Pat